Giving and Responding to Compliments

Description of the Activity

     This unit begins by having learners individually complete a pragmatics inventory.

Using their responses to the inventory, learners share their perspectives about

complimenting behavior in English and their native countries in a class

discussion, which gives them the opportunity to voice their varying expectations

and cultural differences. In my classes, for example, Asian learners were

shocked by the frequency and explicitness with which Spanish speakers give

compliments in their cultures; other learners were fascinated by the way Arabic

speakers respond to compliments in their language. Some learners guessed that

people of higher status were more likely to receive compliments. Since this did

not correspond to findings in the class readings, learners were motivated to

conduct their own survey on complimenting behavior. 

     In the next stage of the unit, learners collect samples of native speakers'

compliments and responses and study them to see whether their own findings

conform to those reported for American compliments. Each learner collects at

least three compliments and responses by listening to native English speakers or

by sincerely complimenting them. The learners then jot down the interactions

immediately following each conversation. This combination of data collection and

production encourages learners to observe and analyze native speakers'

compliments and to use compliments in their own conversations. I have found

that some learners continue the use of compliments beyond the classroom

instruction. Although a few learners have reported awkwardness in conducting

the survey, they generally enjoy experimenting, and they learn the importance of

being sincere in giving compliments. This initial learner involvement is intended

to raise learners' pragmatic awareness and provide authentic linguistic input.

     After compliments themselves are investigated, learners complete an optional

worksheet on cultural values as reflected in compliments (see Teacher

Resources). To attain the second objective, increasing learners' input, findings

from learner-collected data and good transcripts are shared in class, and

speaking exercises are conducted at several points. 

     In the speaking exercise (a "mingling" activity), learners practice giving and

receiving compliments. They form two concentric circles, facing a partner. The

students in the outside circle look at their partner, find some nice quality on which

to compliment them, then give a compliment. The students in the inside circle

respond to the compliment. The circles then move over by one person (the

students change partners), and they repeat the exercise. When they have

completed the circle, they switch roles and go around again. Advise your

students that they do not always have to accept compliments; they can express

themselves in the way most comfortable to them, including, perhaps, using a

deflection strategy such as downgrading, questioning, or shifting credit. This

activity functions as a good springboard for even more learner-initiated practice

since learners generally start complimenting each other for pleasure before and

after class. After studying the function of complimenting as a conversation

opener, learners also practice initiating a conversation with compliments,

extending the topic, and sustaining the conversation. 

Procedure

1. Introduction: Day 1 

a. General warm-up and introduction to pragmatics

b. Introduce the concepts of compliments and flattery. Teach related vocabulary

(e.g., compliment/butter up/apple polish). 

c. Present a sample dialogue of complimenting between instructors.

d. Initial inventory. Have students individually complete the following pre-

instruction inventory 

1) How often do you hear people complimenting each other in English? 

2) What do people say and how do they respond to compliments in English?

3) Do you give and/or receive compliments in English? Are you always

comfortable with the way you exchange compliments in English? If no, when do

you feel uncomfortable and why? 

4) What do people say when they give and receive compliments in your country?

Provide a literal translation of some examples. 

5) What do people compliment others on? 

6) Who is more likely to exchange compliments?

2. Student research 

a. Introduce the findings of Manes and Wolfson's research (1981): 85 percent of

1200 compliments consists of the first three sentential patterns, 97 percent

consists of nine patterns. (See Teacher Resource).

b. Students collect compliments and compare them with patterns reported in

earlier research. Students should collect three to five compliments each. If

students collect compliments by means of a tape recorder rather than note

taking, they may need permission from the speakers. They may also need help

transcribing their data. Teachers will probably want to look over the transcriptions

before they are distributed to the class. The use of an observation worksheet can

help learners (see Teacher Resource). Allow enough time for learners to receive

or overhear naturally occurring compliments.

3. Awareness of Contextual Variables and Practice: Day 2 

a. Review the most common nine sentential patterns discussed in step 2.

Student Research and have learners identify some of the patterns in their own

data.

b. Discuss contextual variables (gender, role, age, and relative status), and have

learners analyze their own transcribed data with regard to such variables.

Students may refer to their observation worksheets. 

c. Discuss sincerity in giving compliments and have learners evaluate the

appropriateness of their transcribed interactions.

d. Have students role play good examples with each other and practice

complimenting in pairs.

e. To prepare for the teaching of compliment responses, have learners sincerely

compliment three native English speakers then jot down their responses

immediately after each conversation.

4. Responses to Compliments: Day 3 

a. Model short exchanges between instructors using "responses to compliments"

in Teacher Resource. Elicit learners' observations of each interaction, and teach

four self-praise avoidance strategies (downgrading the compliment, questioning

the compliment, shifting the credit away from themselves, and returning a

compliment) as types of responses that deflect compliments.

b. Share some good transcriptions by the learners (see homework assignment in

4b above) and have the whole class identify the responding patterns.

c. Practice giving and responding to compliments in a mingling activity. Students

form two concentric circles, each facing a partner. One compliments the other,

who responds. The outer circle rotates and each student finds a new partner and

repeats the process; the circles switch roles after practicing sufficiently.

5. Compliments as a Conversation Opener: Day 4 

a. Model the conversation with compliments as openers (see Teacher Resource).

Have learners highlight topics, point out the rapidly shifting topics, and identify

the conversation-opener function of complimenting. 

b. Have learners in pairs practice opening a conversation with a compliment and

develop it.

6. Conclusion 

a. Final inventory. Have students complete the post-instruction inventory

individually. 

1) Write down an imaginary compliment interaction as you would say it. 

2) After studying compliments, how do you feel about giving and receiving

compliments in English? 

3) Did the classroom information help you feel more comfortable about giving

and receiving compliments? 

b. Show a list of other functions of language and have students indicate their

interests in such acts. (This can be done as the final question of the inventory: 4)

Are you interested in learning about other functions of English? Check the ones

you are interested in: greeting, thanking, inviting, refusing invitations, requests,

apologies, congratulating, offering condolences, addressing people.)

Rationale

Complimenting is a tool for establishing friendship that creates ties of solidarity. It

also is an important social strategy in that it functions as an opener for a

conversation and allows meaningful social interaction to follow. Neglecting to

give compliments may even be understood as a sign of disapproval, and the

inappropriate use of compliments may cause embarrassment and even offense.

The speech act set of compliments has highly structured formulas with rather

simple linguistic structures. According to Manes and Wolfson (1981), 85 percent

of American compliments contained one of three simple sentential patterns. The

great majority of compliments included the most common five adjectives (nice,

good, beautiful, pretty, and great) and two verbs (like and love) (pp.117-120).

Despite the relative linguistic simplicity of compliment form, the act of

complimenting is not simple.

Prior to the instruction, I consulted eight ESL textbooks to investigate how they

teach pragmatic behavior. Although innovative ideas can be found, especially in

recent textbooks, it is hard to find an approach that highlights the cultural nature

of complimenting, that requires learners' initiative in observing the linguistic and

pragmatic rules, and that exposes learners to the motivating influence of

authentic input. In planning classroom activities, I incorporated some methods of

classroom instruction about compliments and replies to them based on texts by

Billmyer (1990) and Dunham (1992). As a result, I had learners collect examples

of naive speakers' complimenting interactions. If adopted for every speech act,

this procedure may impose an undue time burden on learners; however, if limited

to selected speech acts, the activity can be a stimulating starter for learners that

gives them insight into unfamiliar pragmatic rules. 

Alternatives and Caveats

The inventories that students complete before and after the unit are informative

for teachers and students and can serve as a gauge of learner involvement and

interest. I have had students create compliment interactions that began fairly

short, but which became longer after instruction, Whereas learners' initially

tended to accept compliments merely by saying "thank you," after instruction they

used a variety of responding expressions and often added questioning, shifting

credit, and downgrading to their strategies for acceptance of a compliment.

Having various tools of communication allows learners to respond at their own

level of comfort, which may mean deflecting compliments rather than accepting

them. Compared with their responses to the pre-instruction inventory, where

fewer than a third of the learners reported feeling comfortable with compliments

in English, the post-instruction inventory suggests that they now had the tools for

expressing their feelings freely and comfortably. In summary, instruction

contributed to the learners' pragmatic awareness, increased their linguistic and

pragmatic input, and improved their confidence. Most students indicated strong

interest in learning other speech acts, such as refusing an invitation, apologizing,

giving condolences, and making a request. Thus, learners' understanding of

giving and receiving compliments helped broaden their interest in pragmatics.  

Due to the nature of the task, teachers may have to control some of the

variables, such as the gender of the complimenters, their age, and the

environment. Having learners observe speakers of their own gender, age, and

student status provides them with language models they feel comfortable with.

Teacher Resource

Compliment Formulas

Top three compliment formulas (Manes and Wolfson 1981, pp. 120-121) and

examples:

1. Noun Phrase + is/look + (really) + Adjective 

Your blouse is really beautiful. Your hair looks great!

2. I + (really) + like/love + Noun Phrase 

I really like your dress. I love your new apartment.

3. Pronoun + is + (really) + Adjective + Noun Phrase 

That's a really nice rug. That's a great looking car. 

Additional six formula examples:

4. You have such beautiful hair.

5. What a lovely baby you have!

6. Isn't your ring beautiful!